We live in a wonderful world, people all around the globe are making fantastic content that’s original, adapting stories we’ve never seen before and they may not always work but applause must be given to these ambitious filmmakers. However, the world with all its originality and creativity is not without its embarrassments. It is also a world where old successful properties are brought back to life too soon after their well deserved death. Rings should be the poster child for failed resurrections, a sequel to The Ring Two (I think) but a reboot marking the “rebirth” of the evil Samara but this time she can travel via cellphones and email. This movie was supposed to come out in October of 2016, got pushed back to February 2017 , and we didn’t have a trailer until 3 week ago, what could possibly go wrong?
I will say up front this movie is not good and will forever reside in the club with alike movies of the lowest common denominations. It is however not without few redeeming qualities that I think were well intended just executed poorly. For example, I found the individual cast to be the biggest surprise of the film. None of them clicked well on-screen together, but the individual performances weren’t as horrible as expected. The main protagonist Julia, played by Matilda Lutz, was likeable and put on an admirable performance that I thought saved this movie from being completely nap inducing. Her boyfriend Holt, played by Alex Roe, surprised me the most because when I see the boyfriend in a horror movie I always brace myself for the worst kind of person who will leave his girlfriend out to dry or do something stupid and fall victim to the imminent evil chasing him. The character of Holt had redeeming qualities to him that made his adventure with Julia easier to root for. I thought these two leads were fine actors regardless if their chemistry was a deadly vacancy.
With that out of the way let me get to the achilles heel of Rings, the script. The dialogue here is some of the worst in recent memory. The opening of this movie is a giant red flag with bold print reading “turn this off now“. This scene is a climatic event on a plane full of people one of whom is about to meet their end at Samaras stare and it’s, you guessed it, never touched on or referenced again. The opening seemed to be an intended cold open but felt like a Final Destination fan film. The characters, as made evident by this scene, talk in a way that human beings as a species are meant not to. It’s a relentless barrage of elementary writing that will leave you second guessing every line because interactions such as this do not exist. One line in particular towards the end of the movie I am almost certain wasn’t a complete sentence and made me replay it in my head until the credits thankfully rolled.
In addition to the script having atrocious dialogue it carries with it an unstable and painfully jumbled story. This movie sets out to pass on the curse of Samara, but before we can do that we have to figure out her family history, again. Which I thought was already explored in the first two movies prompting me to question whether or not this movie is a reboot or a sequel. In the search for her history a revelation about Samaras mom comes to light, again, and leads our characters on a roller coaster that goes on 30 minutes to long thrusting you off the tracks into a welcomed overdue death. Half the time I never knew who our characters were looking for, referring to or how they went from point A to Z in a matter of seconds. It’s a chaotic mess of a story with an ending that made the entire the theater of nine people simultaneously roll their eyes.
In my reviews I always try to avoid spoilers to the best of my abilities and with that being said I caution readers that this next paragraph may contain spoilers, you have been warned. A glaring problem in this movie is why this adventure to uncover Samaras past comes to be in the first place, because Julia seeks out Holt after he fails to answer his phone for three days. In seeking him out she is exposed to the video and it is as voluntary as can be by the way. In short, if Holt had answered his phone everything could have been avoided including the “rebirth” of Samara. The movie makes Holt not answering his phone a huge part of the first act but never addresses why he avoided her calls. It the laziest plot device used to thrust this unsuspecting teen into her otherworldly adventure. In addition to dragging Julia into the fold Holt causes someone close to them to die, because he did not answer his phone. It’s as if the filmmakers wanted us aware of the fact that Holt never had his phone on him through excess dialogue and shots of his missed calls, but never addresses why. Begging me to ask the question, why even bother?
Rings is a laughable directionless attempt to bring Samara back into the horror spotlight and while the cast is a tolerable group it was destined for failure when the writer’s pen struck paper. Nobody could have made the dialogue in here believable and for that I don’t blame this movies shortcomings on the cast. It is one of the laziest horror movies of recent memory, rehashing old plot points we have seen countless times and will sadly make its budget back in one weekend because name recognition. Samara rides the wave that is the world wide web bringing with her an array of new and updated powers if you will. Combine this reinvigorated Samara with the other moving parts and it sadly comes off as cheesy and an almost pathetic attempt to combine elements of The Conjuring and Don’t Breathe that not only falls flat but veers out my inbox and into the trash.
Rating: 1/5
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