It Won’t Let You Forget: ‘Unforgettable’ Review

There are many movies I walk out of that leave me with a sense of optimism and remind me of why it is I love movies. These movies remind me of why the two hours of escapism is necessary in our world of today more than ever, however Unforgettable is not of those movies. We’ve all seen this movie a thousand times only all of those other iterations you’ve seen before are classics compared to this. The list for everything wrong with this movie continues to grow as I ponder the reasons why I ever went to see this pile in the first place. Now before people feel the need to remind me that this movie isn’t for my demographic, normally I’d agree with you, but I’m​ being honest when I say that I don’t know who this movie is for.

Rosario Dawson plays, I already forget her name, Julia, who coming from an abusive past has finally found her happy place and its with a man named David (Geoff Stilts). All seems well in cheeseville until David’s ex-wife and mother of his daughter, Tessa (Katherine Heigl), comes into the mix as they try to workout visitation days. Slowly you begin to learn more about Tessa and that she’s well, just crazy.

This movie is incredibly painful on multiple levels and it’s truly unfathomable how a project like this could get green lit, let alone approved for nationwide distribution. Lets start with the acting: not only is Katherine Heigl as Tessa unlikable, but this film makes no attempt at making her personable, charming or sympathetic in her motives. Her portrayal honestly left me wondering how a person could ever date someone like this and not notice they’re insane. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “she went zero to one hundred”, well ladies and gentlemen Tessa starts out at one hundred and somehow maintains it throughout the entire venture. The husband David, my goodness, I don’t think I’ve seen a character on-screen have such an immense lack of intelligence in years. Slowly as Tessa ups her schemes against Julia with an undertone of insanity, David has no clue and never picks up on any hints. He lacks every feature a person seeking a fresh and new relationship would want in another person except for a half chizzled jaw line. As for Rosario Dawson, I mean there isn’t much to say other then I kind of believed her and bought everything she did on screen, but in the end that means nothing when character actions and dialogue consistently make me hold my stomach as I shed tears of laughter.

The majority of this film takes place focused on peoples faces and you think they’re reacting to something, but no most of this screen time is used to stare at other people. Heigl spends 90% of her screen time staring with the same face at Julia, her daughter, a computer screen or herself as she brushes her already brushed hair a thousand times over. There is such an immense amount of time wasted in this film that I truly pity the poor souls who had to watch the dailies for this pile. When the screen isn’t being taken up by close-ups of peoples faces it’s consumed with cliches from other movies you’ve already seen, only those movies are decent so go watch those.

My favorite parts of this attempt at a movie are the scenes where Katherine Heigl becomes a suburban cyber-terrorist, as she uses Facebook as means to lure Julia’s abusive ex-boyfriend back into Julia’s life. Spoiler? Oops, sorry. As she concocts this master plan to the tune of what I believe is “how dare you dump me” R&B music while she washes down her criminal activities with a nice bitter class of cheap red wine. Literally a solid quarter of the movie is spent here with Tessa, and when it finally all comes to head Julia gets in trouble for it and the police use her Facebook activity as proof against her. Apparently in this thriller-verse there is no such thing as an IP address and if it happens on Facebook then it must be true.

All of this drama comes to an all too predictable and all too dramatic ending that did everything possible to make sure it went over the top and beyond. A showdown of snoring proportions between the two ladies that feels like it was an unearned climax making everyone watching question why they sat through such a monstrosity. Think of this movie as a car crash, although ugly and horrifying you just can’t bring yourself to look away.

In the end, this movie is one I implore anyone reading this to avoid. As of right now it is the worst movie of 2017 and the first movie since Transformers: Age of Extinction I’ve wanted to walk out on. I’m not even going to make the joke that Unforgettable is forgettable because honestly it’s not. I don’t know whether or not I’ll ever truly be able to move on and forget this movie. I’ll forever be like Julia as I look forward to the next movie, my David, that will make forget this pile of stink, but in the end like Tessa, Unforgettable will seep its way back into my brain and remind me that it just can’t let me go.

Rating: 0.5/5

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